The Spotlight Effect.. And why I don’t care.
The SpotLight Effect is a psychological phenomenon where people tend to believe that they are noticed more then they actually are. We are the center of our own world and as such we are rarely accurate evaluators of how much others are truly noticing/paying attention to us.
We are constantly worried about embarrassing ourselves or our friends doing it for us. Even people who love attention feel said worry about being perceived in a way that is unflattering and monitor their behavior accordingly.
So here is how I see it, and why I tend to have the “I don’t give a fuck what they think attitude” in public.
The way I figure it, regardless of who you are and what situation you are in, people will respond in one of three ways.
1. People will notice you and think positively of you
2. People will notice you and think negatively of you, judge you
3. People are too distracted and/or busy to give two shits about what you are doing and why
Now for each category I would approximate a certain threshold for most (not all) situations. I would say that the amount of people who think positively or negatively of you at any given time range from 20-40% while people who are too busy to pay you any attention range from 40-70%.
Furthermore I would postulate that even if you get a lot of attention, say 30-60% of the present people, its unlikely that more then half (15-30%) of those people think negatively of you. AND after you have done your little stunt how long do you really think they are going to keep thinking about/remember you? I can guarantee, not long. I would say 2-5 minutes, if you’re lucky. The fact that you make a lasting impression on someone that you don’t know or did not directly communicate with is quite rare.
So what does all this mean? It means quit worrying. Because they either won’t pay attention in the first place or forget about you 5 minutes after your arrival.
Personally, as far as attention goes, how much I “want” tends to vary quite a lot and depend predominately on my mood more then anything else. But how outgoing I am goes up exponentially in the company of my friends, not because I am showing off but because I feel more comfortable being in the company of loved ones then I do alone. It also goes up considerably because there is a great deal of things that I enjoy doing but find boring or not as exciting if I am alone.
I will admit, sometimes I make a spectacle of myself. But it’s more because I just enjoy having fun and I don’t give a fuck. When it comes to being in public, for your opinion to matter you either have to be super hot or know me. And even then, if you know me you know better then to try to stop me from being myself and if you’re super hot I will either blush and get over it two minutes later or flirt with you and then move on with life because the likelihood of you ever seeing me again is slim so why bother getting worked up about it. I tend to have a “oh you don’t like me, sucks for you.” attitude at least 65% of the time I am in public.
No I am not the person who talks through movies, or yells at restaurants. I am not vulgar or skanky. I am, to the best of my ability, not rude. I am not saying this as an excuse to be ignorant to the well being of others I am saying this to be unafraid of being genuine to yourself, there is a big difference.
I am the girl who hops down the street because I have too much energy.
Or does that weird dance, squat, wiggle thing when I am too cold.
I am that girl who laughs at things that don’t make sense.
Who army crawls (usually unsuccessfully) down the hallway.
I am the girl who bobs her head and taps her fingers on her leg as she walks to class.
I am the girl who plays with my ramen tentacle like hair when I am bored
or who sings to my friends as we explore the town.
I am the girl who is free.
Because I have embraced that the spotlight above my head is much more dim then you might think,
and I acknowledge that most people are too fixated on the light that resides above their own head
to even notice mine,
so why should I let their presence dictate how I express myself.